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Reflective Reflections Reflecting

I’ve been struggling for a way to start this final blog post since last Tuesday. To come up with a conclusive piece that sums up all that I’ve learned in the past five months living in Southeast Asia and not sound cliché, is actually a lot harder than I thought it would be. As I sit here on the porch of my hotel room in Laos overlooking the sunset peeking out behind the mountains, I realize exactly what it is that travel writing has taught me. I don’t really like following rules or strict parameters, especially when it comes to my academics. I also concluded that it’s not necessarily an act of rebellion, but more so a way in which my brain works. It can be frustrating for myself, my peers, and professors as well, but I finally understand that its just the way my hyperactive mind needs to operate. Overall, adjusting to certain regulations and deadlines throughout this semester has taught me structure in the best way I know it to be.

When I began this travel-writing course, I didn’t really know that I would be writing as much structured work as I am. Instead, I thought that I would be creating more for myself, using my blog both therapeutically and as a way to entertain people. I was wrong. This class gave me the organization that I didn’t have in any of my other classes here in Bangkok. It also gave me unwanted stress that, while in the moment was extremely frustrating, allowed me to figure out a way to balance my academic criteria as well as my own sanity.

Reflecting on all that I’ve written as part of this course over the last few months, I honestly cannot choose one piece that I feel the best about. I’ve written a lot since starting this course, and I have a strong connection to most of what I’ve created, but nothing stands out as much as I’d like for it to. In the draft process, when I’m first putting together ideas, I feel confident in my writing. The thought, “Maybe this will be my best work!” crosses my mind each time, and after I post my blog, that old familiar gut feeling that it just wasn’t good enough resurfaces. However, I still know that I will create something truly outstanding; I just feel like I constantly teeter on the edge of good and great, religiously falling over into the former side.

My writing process this semester was scattered, as was I. Meeting guidelines wasn’t an issue until our Loyola group took the month of October off to travel. That meant we were excused from classes and while that was okay for my lectures in Bangkok, it meant I had to make some adjustments for this course. I needed extensions on assignments, which stressed me out, worrying that I wouldn’t hand things in on time. I struggled to find engaging topics to write about because my mind was racing trying to live in the moment and take everything in, whilst also thinking about all I had to do for my travel writing. It was challenging, to say the least, but I know that if it weren’t for this writing course, I wouldn’t have gained the knowledge that I now exhibit.

I’m not entirely sure what success means for me in this class. Sure, I will pass. And yes, I had some cool ideas and experiences writing throughout Southeast Asia. But if success is measured by how compelling my writing was, I think I fell mediocre. I absolutely learned how to manage my time and my anxiety especially with my academics, but there’s still the impeding thought that I didn’t do as well as I could have. If I knew five months ago what I know now, I would spend more time alone, writing for myself and letting my creativity skip around like a six year old at a park. By doing so, I think that I would have been able to figure out this balance easier and faster, but that’s okay. I am pretty satisfied with all that I’ve accomplished this past semester, being more prepared now than ever to take on whatever comes my way in the rest of my academic career.


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