Traveling is hard. It's worth it, but it's hard. Without a doubt, travel stories differ with each person you talk to. But, whichever way you look at it, traveling is one of the truest learning experiences one can have. You see things abroad that you could never truly understand in a classroom back home. And after four long months living in Asia, I can definitely say that all the traveling I've done has changed me. Now, this change that I've had the pleasure of witnessing within myself has truly been unlike anything I've been through. I had a pretty traumatic experience in my first couple of weeks in Asia when I became sick after a group trip to Cambodia. It was the first time that any of us had travelled without an older adult guide, so it was supposed to be an amazing adventure. But, to my dismay, it was horrible. Long story short, I ended up in the hospital being treated for a stomach virus, and I promised myself that I would never return to Cambodia again. Fast forwarding a couple months from that nauseating experience, I still hadn't adjusted fully. I felt swallowed by life, by my somewhat regretful decision to study abroad in Asia. With anxiety attacks at least once or twice a week, I started to think that I was doing everything wrong. I learned that I really don't love Asian food. I don't hate it, but I certainly began to get stir crazy when it settled in that I couldn't make any of my own food, and that I needed to rely on others servicing me for nearly everything that I ate. Overall, my anxiety was feeding off of everything that came my way. Anything from sweating through my uniform to being constipated for a week spiked my anxiety. It was as if I were a rollercoaster operator controlling the breaks on the ride that my mind was stuck on, speeding, flipping, twisting, with no emergency stop button in sight. I just wanted it to end. And then I realized something that changed my entire perspective on my time abroad. My anxiety was a part of me, it was never going away. I needed to stop wishing for it to just disappear, for me to be "normal" and enjoy my semester overseas like everyone else was. So, my only option was to take the time to
learn about myself, what makes me anxious, frustrated, overwhelmed, etc., and slow it down before it riles me up. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right? I began to study my mind, thinking about what it was exactly that shook me up. Booking reservations with a group of people frustrated me like nothing else, trying to figure out something that would satisfy others as well as myself. Actually getting to the destination was even more irritating at times, having to negotiate prices, get to places on time, and arrange reliable stays. Traveling was not easy, by any means. But, it was absolutely worth it. It taught me how to trust a TukTuk driver from the airport to our hostel in a last minute decision. It taught me to live in fear, and be comfortable with the uncomfortable. It taught me to breathe, especially with every dropped WiFi signal that came my way. And over everything, traveling taught me about me. I learned that I don't like white rice as much as the rest of Asia, and I certainly don't like seven extra tablespoons of sugar water in my bubble tea like most natives do here. But, I also learned that fresh soup from street vendors is some of the most amazing soup I have ever eaten in my life, and it costs less than a dollar. So, to describe my time abroad in Asia so far as anything less than intense would almost be insulting. I know that if I had gone anywhere else in the world for this semester, I would not have had the same experience as I've had here, simply for the fact that much of what I've had to figure out and conquer, needed to be done with a typical Thai norm of no questions asked. I began to adopt the "Whatever will be, will be" mentality that I thought I understood and implemented well back home, but truly know the meaning of now. I had little to no precursors or warnings for what I was about to face, and I honestly wouldn't have had it any other way. Abroad changed me, but in the most incredible way possible. I'm stronger, calmer, and best of all, a hell of a lot smarter than I was five months ago.